I tend to be an optimist, usually. I can usually shrug off disappointment, discouragement or hurt and move on fairly quickly. However, every so often, I cave to those feelings and have myself a big ol' pity party.
This past weekend was one of those occasions where I just let my feelings and thoughts get the better of me and kept on rolling right on down the pity party lane. I'm sure my mood was enhanced by sick kids and myself recovering from the flu, as well as hubbie having to work Saturday. Whatever the reasons, after a rather discouraging, disappointing and hurtful phone call from a friend, I began to think all sorts of depressing thoughts.
My particular highlight was how I was thinking of all the friendships I've had in the myriad of states I've lived in and how difficult it is to keep those friendships alive. I try (tried) for quite awhile, but after awhile, you begin to feel like you are stalking them! LOL It becomes evident that some of these friendships were ones that were for a season. It makes me sad, but I'm not going to force myself on anyone.
So, with all that in my mind, I began playing through all those friendships and I thought to myself, who would really care or notice if I was no longer here. I mean really, who, besides my husband and children, would really honestly care if I no longer existed. Now before you start calling the Suicide squad, I was not thinking all this along the lines of suicide. No, I was just having that big ol pity party, remember? LOL Kindof like when you were a kid and you come to your mom *sniff* *sniff* Nobody likes me! *sniff* *sniff* and she lovingly sings the song to you about eating some juicy worms? That's exactly the day I was having. What makes this even better, I knew it all along. It was perfect!
As I traveled on down Pity Party Lane another voice started sounding off in my head. This voice said to me, "I, too, wait for people to "call" me. To come visit with me. I've waited for people to have enough time for me, not to be brushed off by someone or something more important. In fact, I've waited lifetimes to hear a familiar voice talk to me. How do you think I feel while I wait?"
Nothing will whip you out of a self deprecating pity party faster than hearing God speaking directly to your heart.
You know what I did next? I had a wonderful chat, just me and God.
The next morning when I woke up and turned on the computer, what should greet me but a message from a sweet friend who told me she had been thinking about me and praying for me and wanted to know if there was anything in particular on my heart. I was just in tears as I read her message soaking up more of our Heavenly Fathers love for me.
I'll take that over eating worms, even the juicy ones, any day!